What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize