nut hugger
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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