Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize