70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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