Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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