Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
