Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
