Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently the secret to your success is patron
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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