At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
