probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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