Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
