I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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