Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
