I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
