i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
