we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
