my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize