I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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