hotel room ftw
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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