it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
