so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
