thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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