She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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