Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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