you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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