sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
