Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
