I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
