dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
