Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize