Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
