never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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