Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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