I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
