I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
