Moan for me like Helen Keller
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize