just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
