how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
