What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can you bring me the toilet please
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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