When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I die, sorry about rent.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
