just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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