what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish you could order shots online.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize