Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
