The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize