Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
