I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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