What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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