hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
