Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize