You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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