you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
