i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
