He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
