and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
