Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
People in love make me want to vomit
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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