Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
