i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
