I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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