Hey man sorry I got all grabby
someone get that fucking seahorse.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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