I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
