It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
