I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We left the knife in your bed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
