I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
