I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
