Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
