If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
