i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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