Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
