Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
