also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
