he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
