i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
