every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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