Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to calm my uterus...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
