69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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