i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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