anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
