so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
