I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
