i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
