She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize