Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
