I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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