Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
