the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
