the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
