The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
