you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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