After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
